noir on feminism
paulina noir's boudoir
Oh honey-suckle lovely I received some letters seeking advice this month but unfortunately I found that the answers sought were maybe a little beneath my realm of knowledge. I mean what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you; well we can all at least come up with the obvious answer of kicking him in the nuts but then again I would’ve suggested castration and that my lovelies is when I could get myself in trouble.
You know that kind of trouble that leads to arms wrenched behind your back and handcuffed. Now I do like to partake in that kind of performance on a fortnightly basis but not with those oppressive boys in blue who squeal as they force you down to the ground just to get a boot in… let’s face it, if you’re going to shove me onto the floor you might as well shove something a bit more pleasurable in.
So, little old Paulina has decided to partake in a gorgeous diatribe this month on two of her favourite F words: Feminism and Fucking.
Basically I’m as pro-feminist as any other queen in the fucking bar.
There are a lot of genders out there that the powers that be would prefer we ignore. They give us a binary… those fuckers are always sticking us with their binaries: good/evil, white/black, poor/rich, completely numbed up to what is actually going down/turned on to what is taking effect at every moment and never stops. Binaries they’re the blessed way they keep us in line.
That’s why I, honey, dig the new term pansexuality… no binary, no straight, no queer: there’s a multitude of sexualities out there and lets express them all; preferably in the backroom of the club with a lot of viscous juices.
Alas you hot little number you, I feel I have strayed a little from where I began: feminism, tis one of my creeds. Like a faith without no cross around my neck dragging me down.
Women, there’s a multitude of women in the world and oh my Buddha I am in love with them all and I’m not necessarily always talking in the carnal avenue.
Women hold an array of differing positions in this area we call reality; they be heads of state, CEOs, check-out chicks (I so love check-out chicks, don’t you?), mechanics, nannies, fascist members of the police force; they also give birth to new human cretins then raise and give unconditional love to these beings. Women are everywhere just like men and yet for some strange, clearly undefined reason they are treated like second-class citizens of the planet earth.
Oppression that’s a word that women are very familiar with while oppressor is a term that men tend to roll around on their backs in the grass when they can smell the fragrance.
Sure women do have some perks that men don’t get the advantage of; they get to wear more fashionable attire, apply make up whenever it takes their fancy and well how good is it to feel sheer stockings against your thighs as you cruise down the street.
Yet somehow I don’t feel that these perks account for the patriarchal system that operates through the constant threat of rape and violence, lack of pay and the charge of hysteria when it doesn’t suit a woman to vacuum the carpet all day long everyday waiting for Mr Cock to walk through the door expecting some after hours of sweating in those cheap, nylon pants he’s decided to wear.
Oh and sisters don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that there is not just one feminism… what that white, middle class honey is having a problem with in the suburbs of the first world is certainly not the same problem women are facing in some countries of the south where rape is used as a tool of war. Yes we be talking about feminisms… differing issues for differing groups of women but a commonality that links it all together is oppression by men who should really invest in more deodorant.
And that brings me back to my other favourite F word: fucking.
Women love to fuck. Men love to fuck as well. People in general love to fuck. If you don’t fuck you get down and depressed. Yet, and I know it won’t astound you precious, women are made to feel wrong to want to fuck… and for some conspiratorial reason this occurs worldwide not just in your backyard.
In some places around the globe they actually slice off the clitoris to make sure that the women stay in line and don’t go out promiscuously looking for a bit of action. Apart from the complete brutality of this process it also flies in the face of a well known fact; that woman feel their sexuality all over their bodies and it isn’t just focused on one glorious piece of skin that I personally consider maybe the most auspicious place on earth (but in saying that I am also missing the point).
Female castration is not only relegated to the areas of the barren earth where they actually do perform this barbaric act… women are castrated all round the globe; they’ve either got to be a virgin or they’re a goddamned slut.
If a woman wants to fuck she’s out of control; she’s a whore. If she doesn’t want to fuck the beer breathed, pot-bellied fiend burping into her face at the pub then she’s… a slut?
Me personally honey, I love women, I love women who fuck, I love women who don’t feel like it tonight. Women should fuck as much as they choose (as we all know in reality they do) and not be subject to slander or persecution.
I’ve got some women friends who like to fuck… oh lordy do I.
Take Lucy, for instance, and god do I like to take Lucy. All she wants, and my god is she domineering, is for her to stand right up against the wall. She always has these tight leather pants on and they’re a nightmare to unbutton but if I want to feed and man if Lucy wants you to feed then you got to get those pants down.
Always from the moment I begin to pull down that fly I can already catch her scent (and let’s face it if angels appeared on earth in the physical form they’d all smell like Lucy’s crotch). Then once I’ve pulled down her pants to her ankles, she likes me to rise back up then places her palm on the crown of my head and guides me down to her, oh so so so, cunt. She guides me in and she wouldn’t have it any other way. I eat her carpet, she comes and then that’s it. There ain’t any pleasuring of me, just a clean feed and it’s over. I love Lucy and I love the way she treats me.
Oh and that Penelope she demands two of us every time. Voluptuous, she’s falling out of her negligee before we get the chance to tear it off her. Now Penelope, like Lucy, is very particular about what she wants. Usually it’s with Tony. She adores Tony’s cock and let’s face it if you’ve met Tony who the hell doesn’t.
So Penelope likes to be on all fours and she wants Tony in the front. She wants to feel his member right at the back of her throat while I’m always relegated to the back because Penelope says no one can eat out an arse like I can. So she sucks Tony while I eat her arse. She doesn’t want any stimulation of her cherry she just wants to suck cock and have her arse eaten at the same time and believe me when Penelope comes you definitely know it’s happened and unfortunately for Tony it’s usually before he gets his fill. Penelope is satisfied though and old Paulina and Tony love to give it to her just like she wants.
And Tanya, well Tanya all she wants is for me to sit across the other side of the room, it always has to be well lit, I sit there naked while she takes this vibrator that she insists is more sensual than any living being she’s come across and she does herself while I watch. That’s all Tanya wants, to get off on her electronic gadget while I wantonly gaze from across the room.
Some of you may think I’m making an example of women whose sexuality is a bit off centre but hell I’ve got loads of friends who are married, in monogamous relationships, take one night stands on the weekends and all they want to do is the missionary position and apart from the fact I find this a bit a yawn, there ain’t nothing wrong with this either sister.
Women like to fuck and fuck they should; all day long if they have the luxury.
And really babe they’re my points.
Firstly, women make up half if not more of society and they should be given the rights and benefits that men get and yes, I am speaking about today even after the second wave of feminism. Sure they’ve been some gains but we all know there’s a long way further to go.
Secondly, women like to fuck, like men do, and they should not be ostracised, condemned or made to feel wrong because of this. Sisters should go out while they’ve got the chance before that last breath takes its heave and do it as much as they like.
Oh and I guess lastly I’d like to say that earlier in the piece I mentioned the word rape and I’d like to say that if any lowlife out there thinks that’s an option well please come and speak to my razor blade and it will gladly make its mark across your neck.
So signing off from Paulina, women take everything you want and take it any way you can.
if you’ve got an itch that paulina can scratch then drop her a line at paulina@powderzine.com
paulina's previous columns